Hello, hello, hello, assorted freaks and geeks! As you might have guessed from the title of this entry, this is going to be a very special installment in our Weirdly Attractive Villains series!! (I was so torn between doing this and a special Tim Curry edition, but there’s plenty of time for that later…)
For our tenth post, we’re going to plunge into the very depths of the planet Transexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania! That’s right! We’re going to shake our hot patooties and toucha-toucha-touch each other!
It’s time for the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW TRIPLE FEATURE EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAA!!!
(I’m really excited about this in case you can’t tell.)
Actual representation of me at this moment.
So, let’s not waste any more time. Put your hands on your hips, pull your knees in tight, pelvic thrust your gorgeous bodies, and let’s do this shit!!
#1. Doctor Frank N. Furter
Alrighty, so explaining Rocky to someone who hasn’t seen it already is tricky, but I’ll give it the old college try:
- SPOILERS -
Brad and Janet are two clean-cut American kids who are newly engaged and are, for whatever reason, going to visit an old science teacher of theirs. Their car breaks down, and they wind up at an old castle down the road, currently inhabited by Frank and his servants/friends/comrades/fans/ex-deliveryboys/anybody else. Anyhow, he dresses like a lady and leads an extreme lifestyle of debauchery, sex, rock and roll and cannibalism. He basically fucks everyone and everything, and sings jaunty tunes while everybody dances. Then he creates a man just for fucking, named Rocky, and the creation decides he likes fucking Susan Sarandon better, so he does that. Oh, and he also kills Meatloaf. And then Riff and Mags decide to kill him because his lifestyle is too extreme, but not before killing Columbia because she screams from the other side of the room, and they then kill Rocky, and the castle flies away back to Transexual Transylvania, leaving Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott, (the aforementioned science teacher,) stranded in lingerie, contemplating their own lives and choices and figuring out what the fuck just happened to them.
- END SPOILERS -
It’s really hard to pinpoint a main villain in Rocky Horror. Some would argue that it’s Frank, others would argue that it’s Riff Raff, but I’m inclined to point the finger at both of them.
I mean, he does massacre Meatloaf. And serve him for dinner that night.
Now, the thing about Frank N. is that he’s a babe. At his core, he’s a babe. Tim Curry is a babe, and Frank is a babe. Got that much? Good. Let’s move on.
His sole purpose in life is to embrace every pleasure he can find. Which he does - in ample supply. Throughout the movie, he deflowers Brad and Janet, it’s implied that he fucked Meatloaf, he seduced poor Columbia, (arguably the most innocent character in the film,) he created a man from dead bodies for the sole purpose of banging, and probably fucked everybody else in the film as well.
Aside from his sexy sexual image, one very important thing needs to be mentioned:
Look at him shake his fine ass in that little number. Those panties aren’t hiding anything.
He has better legs than I do.
And his arms are all toned and beautiful.
His makeup is glorious, glorious, glorious.
We already know that I’ve got a thing for men in makeup, and I’m 99% certain that Frank N. Furter is at least mostly to blame for that one.
Aside from his utter babe-ness, Tim Curry is fucking amazing. His voice alone could talk the pants off a person.
Climb under the covers, bae.
#2. Riff Raff
This is another weird one. But Richard O’Brien is a bit of a weird one himself. On this note: Riff’s clearly a villain. While Frank gets a bit vicious killing Eddie, Riff and Mags are pretty merciless in the way they (sort of lie and) kill Frank AND Columbia AND Rocky. So, why is he attractive?
Maybe it’s his cheekbones… (He has fantastic bone structure.)
Or his scrawny legs…
Or giant head vein.
Riff’s got a great singing voice.
Or maybe it’s the fact that Ritz wrote the whole fucking thing.
It’s got to be the outfit. Either way, climb aboard.
You’d be a fool not to point out Magenta as a Weirdly Attractive Villain.
Pat Quinn is already an insanely attractive woman.
She barely says a word throughout the entire film, but remains gorgeous and lovely from start to finish. And she and Ritz work so well together.
The chemistry between them is insane.
I’ve never heard of them admitting to anything, but I’d wager anything that they fucked on the set, and had been fucking for a long time, and continued to a long time thereafter. I have to believe it.
DON’T YOU RUIN THE ILLUSION FOR ME
And there you have it. My RHPSWAVs.
Ladies and gentlemen, Frank, Riff and Mags!
Climb on in here. All of you. AT ONCE, I SAY!
Some should make a playlist based off of my blog and submit it to me
Heeyyyyy, guys. What’s up? I’m not ignoring you, I promise. I’ve been really busy with work and I just saw Panic! At the Disco tonight, so I’ve had a pretty stellar evening. (They were fucking amazing and I fucking love them.) But I’m working on getting a few more Weirdly Attractive Villains posts out there for you; tomorrow, probably. And I’ll try and queue some stuff up.